Monday, September 12, 2011

How do you figure out you made a wrong decision?

As I am sitting here watching the news coverage of the 10-year anniversary of the 9/11 tragedies, I am witness to the kaleidoscope of change our nation has gone through.  Watching the emotions of the people as the names of the victims were called was hard and I found myself crying with them.  I empathize with the people and their losses and the process of rebuilding their lives.  And not just people – our nation, the city of New York and even the geographic space where the twin towers were housed – all needed to figure out what their validity and purpose would be.  The rest of us, we had to figure out what to do about the massive hole in our hearts and the sense of despair that was so prevalent throughout our nation.

David Brinkley said today during the news coverage that we have to be constantly in a state of renewal of our values, of our institutions and of our securities.  What matters to us?  What do we believe in?  What makes us feel safe?

This summer I made a massive change to my life, as most of you know.  I quit the security of a job that pays really well, has better bonuses than I’ve ever had before and has a benefits plan to make most people jealous.  I was so sure that I wanted to leave a position that I was good at for the insecurity of no job and trust that my brain is adept enough to master the demands of going back to college full time. 

I am proud of myself for making such a radical change but I have to be prouder of myself to have the courage to make a change when I feel something is not working.  College is hard.  Classes are stressful.  Deadlines are plentiful and consequences are great for failure to meet them. There is no time for a down day.  There is no time for aches and pains and headaches and fibro fog. 

Then there are also the pressures of life outside the classroom.  There is not a possibility to have school be my job.  I won’t go into details but let’s just say the economy hasn’t been good to us and I will start a new job shortly.  My new teammates have already told me the pressure of this new job and the challenges we will be fighting.

So, my heart is heavy and my brain won’t turn off – much like it was immediately after 9/11 – as I ponder what is right for me. I am in that constant state of renewal David Brinkley talks about.  I know there will be people disappointed in me and I can’t help that.  Whatever I decide, I will be at peace.

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